I hate feeling empty. When you feel empty, nothing matters. You dont care about anything. There is a void that consumes you, takes over you. I think everybody, once in their lives, have felt empty. Nothing feels worth it. You couldnt be bothered breathing. You just lay there thinking about how you are feeling. You try to do something and you just cant find the energy. You dont even have the will to speak. This is how I feel a good percent of the time. Empty and alone.


Hate is the easiest emotion to feel when you are nothing. Hate is what keeps me alive. Hate seems to never end. It goes on forever. There is always something or someone that you hate. Why do we hate? Because we dont like how we are being treated. We dont like what somebody does because of experiences we have had. We dont like being told what to do. I hate society for trying to make everybody conform. Individuality is out casted. If you dress different, talk different, look different you will be outcasted. If you are too fat or too skinny or not pretty enough or too morbid or too pure or too rebelious you are outcasted. I hate people for leaving me out of everything. I hate them for hating me. They dont even know me. I hate people for lying to me. I hate people because they make me feel like shit. I hate people because they think they have the right to make others feel like shit. I hate so much that I have no time to love anything because I will end up hating it anyway.


I go to school everyday with the thought in my head that, today, someone will make fun of me. Someone will make fun of how I look, what I say or what I have written on the covers of my books, or because I am wearing my hair a certain way or just make fun of me because I am 'below' them. I have put up with this my whole life. Its easy to say 'just ignore them' but no matter how hard you try, theirs words hurt you. What is amazing is that no matter how many years on, you will always remember what someone has called you. It hurts even more when it is someone you love who is hurting you. You cant understand why someone you love would hurt you. Whether it is a parent, a grandparent, an uncle or aunty or a friend. Why would this person be hurting you? Is it because they dont feel complete as a person so they try and fill the void with aggression towards the ones they love? Is it because they hate themselves? Is it because they think they have already made so many mistakes that they cant be fixed so they just continue to abuse you? Is it because they just get pleasure from abusing you, does it make them feel better about themselves? Or maybe they dont want to hurt you at all, but simply dont know how to handle you any other way. In these situations, it is possible for the abuser to change their ways. 80% of the time they dont, but if you show people respect, even when they show you none, and you are there whenever they need you, then... eventually they should come around. If they dont then you need to let them know that they are hurting you otherwise it is only going to continue. If talking doesnt help then you need to leave. The easiest things to do in life are hard when you make it hard. You are a person. You deserve respect and love. If you look inside yourself, past the fear and past the depression, you will find a little soldier who is willing to do whatever is necessary for your survival. Your safety matters to the little soldier. Stop what you are doing. Look inside yourself and find that little soldier. Let the soldier escape and be the wings that lift you to freedom. I see kids everyday who are not happy. And its funny because I seem to be the only person who can tell that they arent happy. They smile and laugh but it is false. Inside they want to cry and scream and bleed, just so somebody will notice. But nobody ever notices, because everybody turns their back on people who are depressed. They are toomuch to handle because all they see is the down side to everything. Depressed people live in negativity. They cant help it and when people try and help them they get frustrated at them for always being negative. So these people stop asking for help and take other options such as suicide.

BrOkEn AnD sOuLlEsS

I showed you my face... but that was never enough for you, so I left you with my bleeding heart.